Prayers in the mail

The past few weeks have been non-stop.

My husband's furloughs are ending this month and my MIL's one day a week with Maggie is coming to an end. We knew this was going to happen so I got on it. With a lead or two and a good referral up the street falling through, I have been dilligently talking with everyone that might have a referral, looking online for potentials, making lots of phone calls whenever I can sneak a break, and visiting lots of places. It has been exhausting.

I woke up today officially burndt out. Finding new childcare has been a really stressful process for me. I internalize everyone's feelings on the matter but I know what matters most is what feels right to us. I'm really trying to trust my instinct. This process has opened my eyes to a few things (mostly about myself), made my mama protectivness come out in full force as well as mama guilt, and has shown me what I really value, which is high quality caregiving for Maggie (whether from me, a family member, or a "stranger" that I can put trust in) and the pursuit of my career. It's a difficult balance no matter how good you have it. I have laid awake at night running different scenarios through my mind. I've gotten a cold and endured other physical manifestations of stress from this experience. However, I think last night was the turning point. I was dead exhausted waking up this morning but I trudged on and things seemed a little clearer today.

Friends and family have been praying for us (thank you!) and I've prayed myself. I often do this when something comes up that I don't know what the outcome will be. So I pray for the right outcome, whatever that may be, and it gives me peace of mind to put it out there. I know nothing is permanent and things could change, but for now, I just want to find a sweet situation for our sweet baby.

The crafty swap ended Monday. I finalized my package last weekend and mailed it off to Oregon.I made knitted cupcakes, notecards, and threw in some vintage prom dress fabric, my favorite granola bars, sewing patterns, kid recipes, stickers, and crafty reading material. The knitted cupcakes were a pattern from this book that I have wanted to knit for a long while. Not the best photo but they really turned out cute. Great stash buster. I hope my partner enjoys her box as much as I enjoyed putting it together. I also recieved my box, all the way from Wisconsin. Thank you Amber and Sarah for organizing this swap, it was a joy to participate in!